Business-minded Humorists Gifts

'Our revenues are way down - maybe we should invest in a polling service.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Satya Nutella

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'This year, executive bonuses are tied to performance. You owe us $50,000.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'