Bottle Buster Gifts

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"Seriously, you don't know how to float?"

It beached on a pile of plastic bottles, so they were able to just roll it back out.

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Remember, she had twins, so I go in first, and then you follow about 3 minutes later."

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

"Well, you know what they say —'The water's always bluer on the other side of the trash fence.'"

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Wino Appreciation Group

Wine Talking

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

'The greatest wine in my collection? Why, it's my '45 Chateau Palmer and, oh, what a coincidence, it's right here!'

"It's an agreeable little wine."

"Pick me! No me! Me! Pick me! Pick ME!"

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

Waiter, there are tiny bubbles rising to the surface of my clam chowder. Conclusion" there's a flatulent fly in my soup. ? ?

"If I'd wanted to taste strawberries and summer fruits I'd have asked for fruit squash."

The housing market begins to deflate.

"I have no head for show business."

"Yes, that'll be fine. I think my wife would like something to drink too."

Larry Was Into Fine Wines.

'The merlot is 100 merlot; the pinot noir is 100 pinot noir, and the chardonnay is 100 Swiss chard.'

'Stand back! Let the wine breathe.'

'Ooh, this is an old one. I'll bet it's worth its weight in oil.'