Bone Fixer Gifts

Orthopaedics clinic - "The 3 most important things in my business are dislocation, dislocation, dislocation"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

'Let me handle this. I'm an orthopedic specialist.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Make a Wish

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

"That's not the real me."

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

Chiropractor and Veterinarian.

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

"It isn't much of a business plan, is it?"

The first sign of cowboy trouble.

"Earl is stuck on that note again. Give him a good kick."

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'