Face Fixer Gifts

"Remember girls - these are evil and must be punished!!"

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

Dr. Miller like to show off his ability to remove a full set of braces in one quick, bare-handed, jolt.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"I had to improvise"

"That's not the real me."

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

The first sign of cowboy trouble.

Home/work masks.

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Despite being dumped by his girlfriend on Christmas Eve, Norman still found a way to pull the crackers despite her absence.

'Ah - you must be the Polish plumber.'

Stitches.

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!