Public Image Fixer Gifts

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Cyber disease.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"Kick the machine"

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

Unblocking the Fountain of Hope.

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

'If you don't mind, my P.R. agent will sit in on this.'

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!

"Did you call someone to come test for margarine residue in the refrigerator?"

Stitches.

Despite being dumped by his girlfriend on Christmas Eve, Norman still found a way to pull the crackers despite her absence.

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.

"Get me the Big Guy. Yeah, the dawn broke again."

"You gotta admit, it's straight now."

"This Michael Cohen is giving fixers a bad name."