Bone Mender Gifts

'Let me handle this. I'm an orthopedic specialist.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

Couples' therapy

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"Don't worry they're all part of my team."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

'We were so attracted to each other - now we're just poles apart'

Yes, yes, let your aggressions out, but not here!

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

Broken Heart

Boss

Analyst and patient

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'