Body Type Gifts

'Yes, maybe my high metabolism DOES keep me slim.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"How long have you lived in this gym?"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"That's a big fat lie!"

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Aging Problems

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'My cellulite is getting stronger.'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Too Skinny, Too Fat

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

Body Building

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'Did your mother ever lift weights?'

The Coffee Tattoo

'It's me, Santa... I've had work done.'

'You can't handle the truth.' - Scene from 'Do these pants make me look fat' starring Jack Nioholson