Body Type T-Shirts

'Yes, maybe my high metabolism DOES keep me slim.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"How long have you lived in this gym?"

"That's a big fat lie!"

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Aging Problems

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'My cellulite is getting stronger.'

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Body Building

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

'Did your mother ever lift weights?'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

The Coffee Tattoo

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

'It's me, Santa... I've had work done.'

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."