Body Positivity Jokester Gifts

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Privates Beach"

Critisize your weight.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Breast Height Chart

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

Aging Problems

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Fat fairy