Body Positivity Jokester Pillows

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Critisize your weight.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Privates Beach"

Breast Height Chart

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

Aging Problems

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."