Body Positivity Warrior Gifts

Elephants with 'Cankles'.

Too Skinny, Too Fat

Body Shaming

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'Now that's more like it.'

'Actually, in your case thinking you're fat and ugly doesn't strictly qualify as low self-esteem.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Do these stilts make me look thinner."

Weight Index Scale

"I sure wish I could lose those last five pounds."

Blobby Shaming

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Privates Beach"

Critisize your weight.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Breast Height Chart

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Aging Problems

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."