Body Positivity Warriors Gifts

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Privates Beach"

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Critisize your weight.

Breast Height Chart

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Aging Problems

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

Girl's weight issues.

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Fat fairy