Body Humor Gifts

"We Don't Need Men. We Can Lick Our Own Vaginas"

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

"Let's undress and make love!" "I am undressed!"

"Some Rain Forest this is..."

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'My member requires some interest.'

Banana Ballet

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'Could you give me big tits?'

'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

God raises the steaks.

'You know why Pilgrim's pants fall down? They wear their buckles on their hats.' Where Light and Dark Meat Comes From.

Egyptians stuck in position line up to see the chiropractor.

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

The Fountain of Menopause

'Let's talk about the best way to use nicotine patches.'

Sykes works in our accounts clearing department...

Unserious conditions: Bart shaped bruise, Multiple banana wounds, Radioactive buttocks.

You're as healthy as a horse, Mr. Fusco. But since you're a wolverine, I'm not sure if that's a step up or a step down