Health Humor Gifts

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'

Egyptians stuck in position line up to see the chiropractor.

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

Support group for guys with hemorrhoids.

"I don't care which doctor I see. 'm not going to listen to him anyway."

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

Patient kicks doctor in groin after reflex test.

It sounds like you may have restless hindquarter syndrome, Mr. Fusco.

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'Let's talk about the best way to use nicotine patches.'

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

Twisted Peel catches Norovirus.

"Cancel my appointment, something came up."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged