Body Humor Pillows

"We Don't Need Men. We Can Lick Our Own Vaginas"

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Let's undress and make love!" "I am undressed!"

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

Banana Ballet

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"Some Rain Forest this is..."

'My member requires some interest.'

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

'Could you give me big tits?'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

God raises the steaks.

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

Egyptians stuck in position line up to see the chiropractor.

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

Sykes works in our accounts clearing department...

The Fountain of Menopause

"Did you injure your neck?"

Unserious conditions: Bart shaped bruise, Multiple banana wounds, Radioactive buttocks.

'Let's talk about the best way to use nicotine patches.'