Boardroom Observer Gifts

"I was never call on in there. By my definition, that makes it a good meeting."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

'You myst blow at least a 2.3 on the 'drunk with power' breathalizer before they'll promote you to upper management.'

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'It's lonely at the top unless you count lawyers.'

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

'We need to schedule a few impromptu meetings...'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."