Boardroom Executive Gifts

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

The MBA Draft

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'