Boardroom Veteran Gifts

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'In the absence of an agenda I thought I'd spend the next couple of hours droning on and on about anything that pops into my head!'

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"

'This was caused by a power surge by one of our middle managers.'

'Did you use the term 'Buyer's Remorse?' Jeez, how un-American a concept is that??!!

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'You myst blow at least a 2.3 on the 'drunk with power' breathalizer before they'll promote you to upper management.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".