Boardroom Virtuoso Gifts

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"And I'm sure no one will mind if we fold a few clothes while we talk."

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'