Boardroom Buff Gifts

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Drop dead. Well that's good start to our negotiations.'

'Okay, let's take a vote. All those opposed to my ideas raise their hands and say I resign.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Boardroom antics.

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

'Please don't read anything into the minutes, Ms. Thomas. Just reading the minutes will suffice.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"I have to leave early, gentlemen. Please let me know if I miss any epiphanies."

"We want supervisors who know noses and never leave a grindstone unturned."

'See? The clash of corporate cultures wasn't so great after all!'

If he does come up with a suggestion try and keep a straight face

"The quarterly results are in. We would like to thank the almighty dollar."

'What are we taking a hard look at today?'

'We no longer have problems. We have solution opportunities.'

'Your first tie-breaking vote?'

Our parent company is not pleased with our work. They want all of us to register for a few remedial MBA courses.

Paul exhibits a classic symptom of Attention-Surplus Disorder.

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'At that point the meeting became chaotic, as everyone's medication seemed to wear off at the same time.'

Today's agenda is: Construction of a new plastics plant, the proposed merger with Akron Chemicals and viagra.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."