Boardroom Banter Buff Gifts

'You can hold your breath all you want, Carl, but we are not going to use your budgeting plan.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"So many take-overs and mergers, nobody remembers who he was."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'