Boardroom Banterer Gifts

'What if, and I know this sounds kooky, we communicated with the employees.'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"That's agreed then, we spend the last �100 on lunch then call the receiver."

'I fix problems you didn't know you had in ways you wouldn't understand.'

"Then, gentlemen, it is the consensus of this meeting that we say nothing, do nothing, and hope it all blows over before our next meeting."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

' Much as I dislike the idea gentlemen,I fear we may have to downsize.'

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'

'I hope I'm not embarrassing you when I say that I found your company's latest earnings report very sexy.'

"Why is everyone's valuable input so stupid?"

'This is the point where we sold our collective souls.'

"I thought it was about time we had a clear the air meeting."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"I need to know that everyone is prepared to play ball with this one."

"Happily we ended the financial year out of the red - we made a net profit of 65p."

'I'm sorry, Mr. Frobisher is emotionally unavailable right now.'

'See, this isn't so hard ... now who wants to be the team mascot?'

"The number one concern of all business is uncertainty. I'm pretty certain of that."

"Can someone please go tell Bob to come join the meeting? His cardboard cutout didn't work. . . again."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"What do you mean you can't remember where you buried the company's assets?"

"You must admit, so far we've done pretty well for not yet having a product line."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Well, Pendergast, I stand corrected on that part about there being no dumb questions."

'It's clearly the work of the devil. Nevertheless, I see no reason why we can't all share some of the credit.'

'Your job hasn't been downsized... it's capsized.'

'This memo clearly says it's from my desk, so don't come growling at me!'

'When I said that we might liven up the meetings by moving to a new location I was thinking of the room next to the canteen.'

"This is where the money will be spent. Oh, sorry. That's a picture of a black hole."

"But before we continue let's pause for a few moments of madcap wit and zany one-liners."

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'