Boardroom Pro Gifts

'Relax, I just wanted to know if you wanted to break for lunch.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

Around here it got a little tricky...

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'We need to schedule a few impromptu meetings...'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

Board of Directors enter the 'Tunnel of Corporate Love'.

'At that point the meeting became chaotic, as everyone's medication seemed to wear off at the same time.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

Our parent company is not pleased with our work. They want all of us to register for a few remedial MBA courses.

Thank You, Goals Achieved... and then some!

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Drop dead. Well that's good start to our negotiations.'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

'We were able to make a quick alliance together because of common insecurities.'

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

"I now propose a 5 minute break so we can confide with our dogs."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

Paul exhibits a classic symptom of Attention-Surplus Disorder.