Boardroom Regular Gifts

"Perkins here, representing taxes."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

'You myst blow at least a 2.3 on the 'drunk with power' breathalizer before they'll promote you to upper management.'

'We need to schedule a few impromptu meetings...'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

Board of Directors enter the 'Tunnel of Corporate Love'.

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

'At that point the meeting became chaotic, as everyone's medication seemed to wear off at the same time.'

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

Our parent company is not pleased with our work. They want all of us to register for a few remedial MBA courses.

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Drop dead. Well that's good start to our negotiations.'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

'We were able to make a quick alliance together because of common insecurities.'

Butterfly Sales

'I miss the rarefied atmosphere of Mt. Olympus.'

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

Paul exhibits a classic symptom of Attention-Surplus Disorder.

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'