Boardroom Bystander Gifts

"Of course I attend the meetings but I'm more of a lurker,"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'