Boardroom Savior Gifts

Management Consultant

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.