Boardroom Bamboozler Gifts

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'Dog eat dog.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'