Boardroom Buffoon Gifts

Pie Charts, Inc.

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

"Those in favour, honk!"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'