Boardroom Humor Gifts

'Oops! This is not our sales chart. It's our absenteeism chart.'

"Hold that thought, Ted—forever."

"I assume my reasons for abolishing Casual Fridays are clear to everyone in this room."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"So many take-overs and mergers, nobody remembers who he was."

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."