Laughs In The Boardroom Gifts

'We operate on the point system here. When you see something go wrong, point at whoever you think is to blame.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"So many take-overs and mergers, nobody remembers who he was."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

"Sir, your greed is showing."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'