Boardroom Jokester Gifts

'And the vote to have a unanimous consensus passed five to two.'

"Relax, Ashwell. We don't say 'Ka-ching' until the deal is signed."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

Substitute Chairman

"The proposal sounds good. Of course, I still have to run it by my people over at the Psychic Friends Network."

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"'Cloning' is all very well in THEORY, but what proof do you have that it actually works?"

"You don't fool me, I know corporate raiders when I see them!"

'As this bar graph demonstrates, the downward trend is a result of an unexpected chain of events.'

'I think this here would justify bonuses?'

'All our money is tied up in profits.'

'So it's agreed then. Pepperoni Pizza for everyone and the delivery boy for Ms Henderson's tiger.'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'We'll take a short break in case anyone needs to change their underwear.'

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the new chairman of Mammoth Utilities?"

All board members present except Alcock and Brown, doing Community Service.

"Lemming, is that your solution to everything? Go run off a cliff?"

"I like to think that, in my own little way, I lend a certain gravitas to the company."

"When Dan said 'If I were you, sir', please odd 'There was laughter'."

"I'll be frank. The company's in trouble, and we'll need a scapegoat!"

"I must admit, this talk of outsourcing excites me. Especially the 'out' part."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

So, you're going to prison.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"