Boardroom Bluffing Gifts

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I suggest because I'm the boss and I say so. Or, #2: I launch into an excruciatingly dull, long and detailed presentation explaining my position. You decide."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"So many take-overs and mergers, nobody remembers who he was."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'

Well, we've generated enough hot air...it must be time to cram it in a trial balloon and float it.

"I need to know that everyone is prepared to play ball with this one."

Our parent company is not pleased with our work. They want all of us to register for a few remedial MBA courses.

"You must admit, so far we've done pretty well for not yet having a product line."

'At that point the meeting became chaotic, as everyone's medication seemed to wear off at the same time.'

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Drop dead. Well that's good start to our negotiations.'

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Of course I attend the meetings but I'm more of a lurker,"

'I bet he starts with a joke!'