Boardroom Bluffers Gifts

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

'Dog eat dog.'

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"So many take-overs and mergers, nobody remembers who he was."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

Executive puts on brave face for board meeting.

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'

Well, we've generated enough hot air...it must be time to cram it in a trial balloon and float it.

"I need to know that everyone is prepared to play ball with this one."