Boarding School Humor Gifts

'Sorry, Blenkinsop Major, I could only get Gold Tip.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'Will this help me get into law school?'

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Teacher's pet dog

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Next, I will make the excitement and enthusiasm of the start of the school year disappear."

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

High school sophomore Kyle Rimnard tests his theory that cafeteria meatloaf cures acne.

'I know it hasn't any wheels...They're still in the pencil.

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'How do you like school?'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Steadman - The Early Years.