Blessing Believer Gifts

Give Thanks.

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

"Relax - we're blessings in disguise."

Allergy Clinic. Sign on wall says bless you.

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

"Holy water, holy water...."

"Boy, the sooner she realises the only authority I obey is the Bible, the better!"

'Fish and bread? That's it? Seriously?'

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

"Your recovery has defied all known science...so let's just keep this between ourselves!"

'It's a medical miracle. According to your notes you should have been dead years ago!'

Miracles on 34th Street.

'You had a good idea in our staff meeting yesterday. So, the church sent someone over to witness the miracle.'

'Hey, Naomi, remember last week when you said nothing short of a miracle could save MicroTechnoCom from bankruptcy?'

'I might be able to get you off if a chain of near miraculous rulings happen to occur.'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

I'm tired of blessings in disguise--if it's al the same to you, I want one I can recognize immediately!

"Ten commandments and the periodic table – all we have to know."