Blackboard Bard Gifts

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

Make your resolutions achievable.

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'My name is Jeremy and I approved this message.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

As a matter of fact, it IS rocket science.

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

The Music of Life (in the key of dna).

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'Very impressive, Newcombe. Over at Liberal Arts we still have trouble with the multiplication table.'

'I miss the rarefied atmosphere of Mt. Olympus.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

Executive MFA

'How did it go?' 'We had an exchange of views...I went in with my views and came out with hers!'

Teacher with wing-mirror on blackboard.

"Langsford, will you please stop interjecting quotes from Kahlil Gibran?"

"I saw the wariness in your eyes when you learned that I was plucked from academia to run this company, so I thought I'd allay your concerns by writing this sonnet."

'What did you do?'

"That's the finest vacuum cleaner you've ever designed."

'This isn't a BREAKTHROUGH, Colbert! This is a CIRCULAR REASONING! All you've done here is re-state our original objective.'

Lady cleaning hypothesis off blackboard.