Bizarre Botanist T-Shirts

"Dad got tired of reading those scare stories - now he sits there all day, photosynthesizes, and grows his own!"

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

"Eating the poinsettia didn't make him sick. It was the three pounds of potting soil."

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"The good news is you only have an allergy. The bad news is you're allergic to pollen."

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

Incompetent gardeners cause havoc

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Escaping Flowers

Football fan

Venus fly trap.

'Say when.'

"What seems to be the problem?"

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

Shoveling Snow in Spring

'Like I told you yesterday, I think this is a bunch of nonsense.'

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

"I warned him not to go vegan."

'The bad news is, it didn't grow hair. The good news is, he's being featured in 'Better Homes and Gardens'.' (Quick Gro tub next to chair.)

Will Work for Manure

"It seems that a flower is just a weed in drag!"

Belching plant

After you finish picking the poppies for opium, don't forget to save some seeds for my lemon muffins.