Unconventional Botanist T-Shirts

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'What great fall blooms. These flowers make yummy pumpkin pie spice!'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

"Go ahead, tell him... Your friend is correct. Nuts are fruit. Why won't you ever believe me?"

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

'Cool!! Your Dad lets you take accordian lessons??!!'

'Oh yes I talk to them all the time. Except the aspidistra. Not since the argument.'

'Be sure to ask George about his tomatoes.'

You have the flu. Get plenty of rest and avoid lots of fluids.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

"I have my green thumb, thanks to my black 'n' blue knees!"

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"Have you got any man eating plants?"

'I'm sorry my little Towser misbehaved himself.'

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"You spoil that plant!"

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

"I might let the window box lay fallow, this season."

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"I used to be a tulip in a previous life" - Reincarnation

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Pyramid Garden

Give Chlorophyll.

Cactus Man.

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'