Quirky Botanists T-Shirts

'Uh, Liz. That plant isn't getting any faker.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

'By selective breeding over the course of 10,000 generations, we've managed to create the world's ugliest fruit fly!

'Just for kicks, let's come up with something that has a good side effect.'

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Eating the poinsettia didn't make him sick. It was the three pounds of potting soil."

Invasive species reach Ken's sock drawer.

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Cactus Man.

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"Now, that's my kind of gardener: somebody who grows dandelions! I love dandelions..."

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Escaping Flowers

'Try to remember what it said on the packet.'

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

'Try not to sit still for too long dear, the convulvulus is really rather virulent.'

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

'Like I told you yesterday, I think this is a bunch of nonsense.'

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

'Are You Still Experiencing Visual Disturbances?'

Venus Fly Trap.

"I'm sorry, but your bonsai triffid will have to go."

"Dad got tired of reading those scare stories - now he sits there all day, photosynthesizes, and grows his own!"

Clown Gardening

"Ever hear that sometimes you begin to resemble your plants?"

Will Work for Manure