Clumsy Botanist T-Shirts

"Eating the poinsettia didn't make him sick. It was the three pounds of potting soil."

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

'Was that a spiritual insight, or just clumsiness?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

Mountaineer accidentally knocks off the peak of a mountain.

"The good news is you only have an allergy. The bad news is you're allergic to pollen."

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

Escaping Flowers

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Cat in bandages and on a crutch.

'You know, this is the second bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

'I can't find my mobile, oh, it's next to my ear.'

"Your father was trying to build a better mouse trap."

'Like I told you yesterday, I think this is a bunch of nonsense.'

Clown Gardening

Will Work for Manure

'Darn it, Marvin! Can't you do anything right?'

Garden stagger

"What happened to your finger?"

"Dad got tired of reading those scare stories - now he sits there all day, photosynthesizes, and grows his own!"

'Wait...Where was I going again? Oh. That's right.'

Hand being hit with a hammer.

"It was awful, Ted. The right hand never knew what the left hand was doing to it."

'Be reasonable, Daphne - It's the only thing I've broken during the whole course of our marriage!'

'You've got the wrong end of the stick again. The problem is this end. '