Birdcage Humorist Gifts

"I don't believe I belong here."

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

I think it's time he left home.'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

New York Scatological Society

'Take me to your feeder,'

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

'We've found the problem...'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'We HAVE to hire a nanny.'

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

'Sure I can do same day service.'

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

Airport security - next step?

No, no Henry. I said I bought a fly sweater for you.

'Well, as a matter of fact, I think you're a pinhead too!'

"Hold on. I'll buzz you in."

Centipede Hokey Pokey. 'You put foot number 17 in, you put foot number 17 out...'

'Why can't I ever lead?'

"For goodness sake, Wilf, trim your eyebrows -- they think you're one of them!"

Origami Pets

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

Artist Hazards

CEO and COO.

"It's a thongbird."

'I'm giving mostly gift certificates this year, so I wrap them with junk from the garage to throw people off track.'

'Hey guys, wouldn't it be alot easier if we just wore layers?'