Bird Breeder Gifts

'Stop me if you've heard this one before.'

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

Bird watching TV

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'You know too much!'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

Pigeon Little

How about going easy on the carbs

So you're a mocking bird...

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Canada Goose Jackets

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

Spring Training

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'