Biblical Reference Fan Gifts

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ghostwriting the Bible

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

Sistine Selfie

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'Well, your photosynthetic stuff was a lot more peaceful.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Joseph and his coat

Three Wise Men Fancy Dress.

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"Remember if anyone there asks... We're all from one household!"

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"...and Adam and Eve were naked, so they had to leave the garden."

"Plagues are old-school – we're going to hit you with sanctions."

"I've got dominion, I've got dominion..."

'She files things on a biblical basis. Seek and ye shall find.'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"He changed water into wine!"

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'Bad news everyone! The Ark didn't turn out as I expected.'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'