Bibles Gifts

The humidity plays heck with Sampson's hair.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Moses separating his Laundry.

Moses on the web

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

TSA Noah

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'Are we there yet?'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Little Known Moments In History

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

'Look man, no wings!'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'