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The humidity plays heck with Sampson's hair.

Moses on the web

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

TSA Noah

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Little Known Moments In History

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

Bible Bloopers

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."