Benefits Defender Gifts

'Do away with all the tax loopholes you want, but don't mess with my entitlements!'

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"Relax, it's not for you. I'm here for you 401 (k)."

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Labor Day '19

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

Goal

"Sorry, I'm only allowed to save humans, not refugees. Here in the EU we've got humanitarian values, you know?"

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

"It's your turn, kid."

Art Theft

"True, I'm from pest control...but we don't eliminate internet trolls."

'Teddy, someone from the Pentagon wants to talk to you about drones in Pakistan, whatever that means.'

'I'm going to use it to write letters to keep our health benefits, son...we veterans have a new battle when we get back.'

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

"If you put it on the net someone might steal your idea."

"It's important to be authentic"

"Are there people who don't live in London?"

'Five years ago we offered Professor Lang unlimited resources to create the perfect deterrent. Today, I'm happy to say...' 'Uh-Oh!'

Japanese Leylandii Rage.

"I think you've done a fine job of protecting the underlying canvas from the elements with paint."

The mailing lists you're on says who you are

Phishing for cyber information

'Sure the money's better in the private sector, but there're so damn Few Opportunities to Call in an Airstrike.'

'You don't have your stuff today, Philip. I'm taking you out ... Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.'

Bernie Madoff With My Savings

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

'Uh-oh....'

"There is no military solution, General, so we're disabling the enemy with a computer virus."

Two military officers

'These military teams really take their defence seriously...!'

Social Security benefits are rising...But the system's runnin out of bread.

'Poor old fellow all hunched over and barely able to walk. I should let him park near the exit and give him a discount.'

"Admit it Geoff...you need glasses!"