Value Defender Gifts

"Sorry, I'm only allowed to save humans, not refugees. Here in the EU we've got humanitarian values, you know?"

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

Man losing his honesty

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

The Moth Menace.

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

"Mom, please take her and teach her morals, manners, and chores."

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

Something without the sexual connotation, please.

GOLDEN RULE: 'High moral fiber cereal,'

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

Pest Control

Boxer Scarecrow Fends of the Crows.

"Hop in, honey. I’m an evangelical conservative, and a good kisser."

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

"Has it ever occurred to anyone that if we stopped wearing these damned skirts we wouldn't have to march off to defend our manhood every five minutes?"

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

"Apathy, mediocrity, flatulence!"

'Sometimes a police office has no choice but to use deadly force. Say for instance someone grabbed for your donut.'

'Much cheaper than charity shops!'

"I don't let them bite. They just do."