Value Defender Gifts

"Sorry, I'm only allowed to save humans, not refugees. Here in the EU we've got humanitarian values, you know?"

"It's important to be authentic"

I was thinking about the implications of your brave effort last week to unionize. I didn't really. I was role-playing. Whatever. Do you realize the demise of unions has coincided with a massive decline in the middle class? What? I'm helping chickens cross a road on my iPhone. I'm taking about the income gap! Talkin' 'Bout the Income Gap is sponsored by: The makers of signs, placards, and other protest equipment.

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

Man losing his honesty

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'How long did you try before calling?'

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

"This is what happens when we don't practice social distancing."

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

You're in luck - The 5-second rule is not legally binding. Donuts.

The Moth Menace.

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

How do you keep cats out of your garden? I catch the little sneaks

GOLDEN RULE: 'High moral fiber cereal,'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

Something without the sexual connotation, please.

"Mom, please take her and teach her morals, manners, and chores."

Pest Control

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

"Hop in, honey. I’m an evangelical conservative, and a good kisser."

Boxer Scarecrow Fends of the Crows.

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

"Has it ever occurred to anyone that if we stopped wearing these damned skirts we wouldn't have to march off to defend our manhood every five minutes?"

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

"Apathy, mediocrity, flatulence!"

'Sometimes a police office has no choice but to use deadly force. Say for instance someone grabbed for your donut.'

My house is infected with bugs! Pest Control, Inc. Who shall I say is crawling?