Call Defenders Gifts

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

Goal

'How long did you try before calling?'

'For our specials today, we'll despoil our shared environment, filthy-up the air, completely ignore the rules of good global manners and cyber attack all your systems. . .'

"Sorry, I'm only allowed to save humans, not refugees. Here in the EU we've got humanitarian values, you know?"

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

"It's your turn, kid."

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"I can destroy your bank of knowledge with one blast from my destructo-beam!"

You're in luck - The 5-second rule is not legally binding. Donuts.

"True, I'm from pest control...but we don't eliminate internet trolls."

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

"It's important to be authentic"

How do you keep cats out of your garden? I catch the little sneaks

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

Pest Control

"Are there people who don't live in London?"

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

Cyber Attacks Against USA

Computer Crimes

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

Boxer Scarecrow Fends of the Crows.

Tai Chi

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

'Sometimes a police office has no choice but to use deadly force. Say for instance someone grabbed for your donut.'

'Maybe you should ease up on the burglar.'

'To stress heterosexual, we now get a merit badge for getting laid!'

My house is infected with bugs! Pest Control, Inc. Who shall I say is crawling?