Benefit Claims Officer Gifts

"Take me to your benefits office."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

'You took out a policy with us Tuesday morning and had a fire Tuesday afternoon...What was the delay?'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

'Oh yeah, our people will just fall over themselves to get transferred to this office.'

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

"You made two more bad car loans. Repo guys are cruising our parking lot."

'... And how long has your civil list been frozen?'

"But on my claim form, it definitely says Universal credit..!!"

'Since the cuts this is what we get instead of an incapacity benefits officer.'

'Insurance Adjuster Rejector of the Year' 'Claims Delayed and Claims Paid Promptly'

"The benefits agency is always willing to be flexible...but only under certain limited clearly defined circumstances."

"We have reason to believe you're co-rabbiting whilst in receipt of benefit."

'You got yourself a job? -- Don't you care what happens to me?'

"We do have good health coverage, but then we never get od and we never get sick."

Benefit mistakes cost £one billion a year... Well, in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct, they just weren't in the right order.

"Will I be covered by the same medical benefits plan?"

"It's no use making all that fuss - there's no such thing as attention seekers allowance."

'I'm sorry, sir, but your insurance policy clearly states we don't cover acts of God.'

"Don't worry, I'll be very discreet with your personal medical information."

'You've been assessed as incapable of doing this work.'