Benefit Claims Officer Gifts

"Take me to your benefits office."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

'You took out a policy with us Tuesday morning and had a fire Tuesday afternoon...What was the delay?'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

'Oh yeah, our people will just fall over themselves to get transferred to this office.'

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

'... And how long has your civil list been frozen?'

"But on my claim form, it definitely says Universal credit..!!"

"You made two more bad car loans. Repo guys are cruising our parking lot."

'Since the cuts this is what we get instead of an incapacity benefits officer.'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

Companies are slashing employee health care and pension benefits. Cutting, slashing, trimming, eliminating. Look at them go. I feel like I'm watching a great athlete on tv. I'm so inspired! You're one odd duck. Rudy – come hither my overpaid dumpling!

'Insurance Adjuster Rejector of the Year' 'Claims Delayed and Claims Paid Promptly'

"The benefits agency is always willing to be flexible...but only under certain limited clearly defined circumstances."

"We have reason to believe you're co-rabbiting whilst in receipt of benefit."

"We do have good health coverage, but then we never get od and we never get sick."

'You got yourself a job? -- Don't you care what happens to me?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but your insurance policy clearly states we don't cover acts of God.'

"Will I be covered by the same medical benefits plan?"

"It's no use making all that fuss - there's no such thing as attention seekers allowance."

Divine Retribution in the Age of Coronavirus

Benefit mistakes cost £one billion a year... Well, in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct, they just weren't in the right order.

"Don't worry, I'll be very discreet with your personal medical information."