Claims Officer Gifts

'I'm sorry, sir, but your insurance policy clearly states we don't cover acts of God.'

UK border controls relaxed.

Collies Without Borders

The Family Joules: Part 6

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

Madoff and devil.

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

"His name? It's 'Reggie the Drug-Sniffing Dog.'"

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

'Anything to declare?'

A convict escaping during the press scrum

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"It's marzipan pigs."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Exposed and imprisoned.

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

HM Customs and Excise - 'One of the few things you can see from space is the great wall of Chinese imports.'

Crime rates drop 40% after prison uniforms are changed to neon pink floral patterns.

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

"Are you carrying any food, plants or dangerous ideas about a more equitable health care system?"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'